Getting married and your money

Couples who have explicit, early money conversations do dramatically better financially long-term than couples who hope it'll all work out. This isn't about trust — it's about sharing a mental model so you're pointed at the same targets. Three conversations before the wedding save years of conflict after it.

Conversation 1: money history

What was money like in your family growing up? Were there fights? Was it scarce, comfortable, anxious? How much did your parents earn, and did you know it? What did you learn about money before you knew you were learning it? This isn't a budget discussion. It's a scripts discussion, and it explains why you react differently to the same financial situation.

Conversation 2: current reality

Exact numbers: income, debt (all of it, including the ones you don't talk about), credit score, retirement savings, any unusual obligations like child support or co-signed loans. No judgment, full disclosure. The worst thing you can do is find this out in year five of a marriage.

Conversation 3: shared future

• When do you want to retire, and how?
• Where do you want to live in 10 years?
• Kids? How many? Private or public school?
• Is one of you planning to stop working at some point?
• What does 'rich' feel like to each of you?