Generosity without self-sacrifice

Some of the kindest people in the world end up financially broken because they couldn't say no. A friend, family member, or cause asks for help, and they give — beyond what they can reasonably afford. This usually ends badly for everyone. Their own security erodes, resentment builds, and they're no longer able to help when a bigger crisis hits.

The airplane rule

Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. A person whose financial house is in order can help others for decades. A person who sacrifices their own security to help now will eventually need help themselves, and the cycle breaks. Generosity that destroys the giver is not sustainable generosity.

How to give without going broke

• Set a giving budget and stick to it. When the budget is spent, the answer to new requests this month is 'not right now, maybe next month.'
• Separate charity from rescuing family. The first is a planned expense; the second is a loan-or-gift decision with its own rules.
• Never co-sign a loan you wouldn't personally pay. Co-signing makes you fully liable, and if the borrower defaults, you're the one in collections.
• Never lend more than you can comfortably gift. Assume loans to friends and family won't come back — if that's okay with you, lend. If not, decline.